MALFUNCTION IN THE MIDDLE
by DrakeBell4EVA
Summary: Uh-oh! Looks like we got some trouble up in the Middle househould! What is the Middle family gonna do?


Lois fished out the foreign cell phone from the toilet. "Goddammit Frankie Muniz!" she yelled, "Frankie Muniz, get in here!" Frankie came into the room, "I didn't do it! I swear!" he exclaimed before he even knew the reason for which he was being called in for. Lois threw the cell phone at Frankie Muniz's face. He gave small whimper as he backed away. "Explain yourself you shitty little snot nosed bastard."

Frankie Muniz stood in shock. He had never seen the phone in his life. His mind cleaned through every corner then stood confused; this projected onto his face. Lois took notice. "Don't give me that look faggot." Lois caught Frankie Muniz kissing Craig Traylor only a week prior, and had been battling depression and bad motherhood choices ever since.

Frankie Muniz's face was still contorted with confusion. "I said don't give me that look faggot," said Lois firmly. She explained, "I know you did it, and you know how I know? I know because _you_ were adopted unlike any of my precious boys." Lois had revealed shortly after the kissing incident that Frankie Muniz was adopted. He wasn't, but Lois said it with such confidence that one had to believe it. Hell, she was stunted by such deep emotional trauma that she herself surely believed it. She had to.

She broke down. "I'm sorry Malcolm. You're my little boy." She brought him closer, "I love you, you're so precious, you're my precious little boy." She hugged him tightly, "You didn't know what you were doing, I know that, Hal knows that." Something turned in her mind. She threw him on the floor, "BUT YOU'RE A SICK BEAST! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID! GODDAMMIT! YOU BEAST! HOMOSEXUALITY IS BEASTIALITY! GAYS ARE BEASTS! FUCK YOU FRANKIE MUNIZ! BURN IN HELL!" She slammed the cellphone into Frankie Muniz's face, breaking his nose and sending plastic shards through his eyes. He let out a scream. She punched him in his throat. The screaming stopped for a moment. She grabbed a toothbrush and forced it through Frankie Muniz's neck. The screams were gurgled with blood now. She shoved a handful of cotton balls into his mouth to muffle the screaming. "Shhhhhhhhhh, shhhhhhhh, this is for the best, I love you Malcolm, I hope you know that. Shhhhhhh." She shattered a handheld mirror over Frankie Muniz's face, sending most the cotton balls to rest on the cold tile floor. Frankie Muniz swallowed the rest. His breathing was shallow, he was still conscious Lois figured, but she couldn't be sure; his eye balls waere buried under his scrambled face. She took the shattered mirror and began to carve Frankie Muniz's face. He could only produce elongated yelps and moans anymore, the minutes of screaming were over. Lois went to work carving the rest of his body. He tried to slip out of consciousness, but he couldn't reach his release, he was stuck alive, no matter how hard he fought it. Lois drug Frankie Muniz's body into the bath tub, and then picked up a lone foot and tossed it in after. Frankie Muniz felt the tub rise with blood fast. He had to be close to dying, he hoped it so drastically. He cried for death now in lieu of against it. He heard a faucet turn on, and he felt water rise in the tub. It engulfed his mouth and slowly his nostrils. He smiled during his final seconds. It was over now.

Just then Hal walked in. "Hey Lois, have you seen my second phone? I keep it in the toilet cause I use it to contact my second family and to make meth."

Lois stood silent in front of the tub. Hal understood. "Oh shit" they said in unison. Hal leaned slightly over to peer around Lois. "Is that him?" Hal said. Lois stood silent. Hal again understood.

Frankie Muniz was slipping out of consciousness, his lungs finally giving up. His body had all but suffocated when Hal pulled him out. "Fudge," Frankie Muniz gasped.

"I'm sorry everyone, but I gotta go to my other family and make meth. I have cancer," Hal said at a family meeting, of which most of the family attended. "I want to take this time to say goodbye to my radically awesome children." Hal turned to face the stairwell, "That is to all except FRANKIE MUNIZ WHO WON'T COME OUT OF HIS ROOM!" Dewey grabbed his father's leg, "Papa, please don't leave! I love you and oh how I'd miss you so!" Hal pondered for a moment. "Well, my other son, you know, the one in the other family, is dying from retard cancer, so I guess you could come with me." Dewey was excited.

Hal shot the rest of the family, mostly in the head, except for Frankie Muniz whom she shot in the peepee and then the head.

"Call me Daddy Walt from now on," Walt said. Dewey understood.

"Daddy Walt? Why'd you have to kill mommy?

"Cause it was necessary.

"Yeah, but why?"

"DEWEY I HAVE CANCER, SHUT THE FUCK UP."

"PAPA WALT YOU BETTER BUY ME A CAR OR IM GONNA TELL!"

"ok, fine."

"Also, I'm not living here, there is a pizza on the roof."

"Dewey, you're annoying me, stop being a douche."

"Daddy Walt, there's a fucking pizza on the roof."

"Dewey, come here." Dewey went to Walt, Walt elevated him on his knee. "Ok, now pull my finger, Dewey." Dewey giggled, "Ewwwww! No!" Walt looked at Dewey with a stern but comforting face, "Dewey, pull my finger," he said with a reasonable tone. Walt stuck his finger out. Dewey giggled and pulled it. Just as he did Walt threw Dewey on the ground and shot him full of lead. "I got meth to sell."


End file.
